Judgments and Responsibility
Happiness is not so much a matter of some positive state or condition, but one of surrendering your expectations and judgements. Cease comparing and competing and you will find space. Stop requiring and judging and you will find happiness. Judgment of someone is like breaking someone else's property. You will have to fix it for them. And, if you do not, you will remain in their debt.
What you need will appear when you need it. But, you want to know what to do, and God does not seem to be cueing you in. So, you spend all your time and energy either trying to determine what to do, or you become immobile, doing nothing. Why not get busy doing according to your best calculations? When you reach an obstacle, make your study then. Or, cease, and let the obstacle be a time-out spiral for you. Trust the principle that what you need for the road will appear when needed rather than living in the future trying to be sure you are on the track.